


Fade (Ben Solo/Kylo Ren Love)

by hippiedippie6295



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Rise of Kylo Ren (Comics)
Genre: Adventure & Romance, Alternate Universe - Star Wars Setting, Drama, Drama & Romance, Eventual Romance, F/M, Falling In Love, First Dates, First Love, Forbidden Love, Force Bond (Star Wars), Friends to Lovers, Friendship/Love, Jedi, Jedi Ben, Jedi Ben Solo, Jedi Luke Skywalker, Jedi Temple (Star Wars), Kylo Ren Angst, Love, Love Confessions, Major Original Character(s), Minor Original Character(s), Multi, My First AO3 Post, My First Work in This Fandom, New Jedi Order, Origin Story, Original Character Death(s), Original Character(s), Original Female Character(s) - Freeform, Originally Posted Elsewhere, Other, POV Ben Solo, POV Kylo Ren, Post-Star Wars: The Force Awakens, Post-Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker, Pre-Star Wars: The Force Awakens, Pre-Star Wars: The Last Jedi, Pre-Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker, Protective, Protective Ben Solo, Protective Kylo Ren, Protectiveness, Romance, Sex, Skywalker Family Drama, Soft Ben Solo, Star Wars References, Star Wars: The Last Jedi Spoilers, Strong Female Characters, Supreme Leader Kylo Ren, Teen Romance, True Love, Underage Sex, Young Ben Solo
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-12
Updated: 2020-04-23
Packaged: 2021-03-02 05:34:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,601
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23619826
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hippiedippie6295/pseuds/hippiedippie6295
Summary: "She is the light..."Born to the galactic heroes Han Solo and Princess Leia Organa, Ben Solo has spent the entirety of his life trying to drown out aches of loneliness consuming him. Just after his 16th birthday, Ben believes that these demons will finally be put to rest as he begins the final phase of being a Padawan. However, as Ben begins this training, his emotions begin to get the best of him. Love, anger, betrayal, and loss, this is the story of Ben Solo's fall to the Darkside.
Relationships: Ben Solo | Kylo Ren/Original Female Character(s), Ben Solo/Original Female Character(s), Kylo Ren/Original Female Character(s), Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 1
Kudos: 5





	1. How Would You Feel?

05:48 AM 

Age: 29

Command Shuttle

The smell of leather warmed my nostrils as my eyes weighed heavy with sleep. At some point in the night, I had removed my gloves and tossed them next to me in the bed. Black surrounded me, and it took a few seconds for my eyes to adjust to the lack of light. Contrary to what those who followed me may believe, I hated the jet black darkness.

Each muscle in my body twitched as I stretched on the edge of my bed, my bare skin aching to feel the touch of the sheets once again. I brushed the hair from my face and wandered to the bathroom attached to my sleeping quarters. After dressing, I reached to snap my helmet on, but my reflection stopped me. I felt the division rip through my spirit. The thoughts became overwhelming, my breath tightening in my chest. I felt trapped, suffocating. After a deep exhale, I rushed out of the bathroom.   
On the other side of my bed was a door; a door with a lock that only recognized my face. These were my private chambers, only I could go in or out. Inside this room were the objects most precious to me; objects I often sought guidance from. In the center of the room was a stand holding the melted helmet of my grandfather. However, what I needed to guide me in this particular moment, though, was not my grandfather. 

I needed her. 

On the wall opposite of the door was a hidden cabinet near the ground. My breath heavy and erratic, I knelt down to open it. Inside was a small, faded picture of her. Laying my helmet next to me, I reached for the photo. Every detail was the same as the burnt image in my mind. My fingers stroked her printed cheeks, straining to remember the feeling of her flesh under them. 

“I’m doing this for you. You are my light... my love… my-”

“Commander Ren?” A voice called from behind the closed exiting door.

“I’ve told you not to enter my quarters without warning,” I projected from behind the closed door. I delicately placed the picture back into the cabinet, grabbed my helmet, and stormed out.

~~~  
07:54 AM

Age: 16

Jedi Training Temple

The sun beat on my back creating beads of sweat that dotted along my lower back. It was unusually hot today, and of course we had a meeting outside. As my feet tapped the soil beneath me, I watched two shadows creep next to mine. 

“Hey Ben,” a deep voice from behind me spoke. I swiveled on my heels to see my two best friends walking toward me. James’ bright copper hair glistened in the sunlight, his skin an off shade of pink. He had a stocky, square frame that stood out among the standard, athletically built Padawan.

Next to him was Daisy, my other best friend. She was even smaller than James, standing at barely five feet. Her hair was black as the night sky, and her skin a contrasting shade of pale white. Freckles dotted her skin, the only trace of color along her soft flesh. A nervous look was settled onto both of their faces.

“What do you think the meeting is about?” James asked gazing up at the trees surrounding the platform where we waited for Master Skywalker to enter. The only time the entire temple was gathered for a meeting was for special announcements or someone’s death. 

“I think it’s about our next phase in our training,” Daisy chimed in. Her eyes darted beyond me, towards the stage. I tried to quickly memorize her features. The sun had turned her once ghost white cheeks a rosey, pink tint. Looking at her was like viewing a map of the stars.; each round of her face held a different star, creating new constellations and galaxies across her skin. 

“What’re you looking at?” Daisy giggled, nudging my shoulder. I looked down to her and returned her smile. She wasn’t a particularly smiley person in public, but she relaxed around me and James. Like myself, Daisy had a family name to live up to; her parents were the royal family of her home planet, Joliote. These names had created self-inflicted pressure that we had carried with us our whole lives. Contrary to our childhood hopes, the pressure only seemed to increase over the last twelve years.

The three of us had been sent to train with Master Jedi Luke Skywalker, my uncle, at the age of four with nine other children as his first group of Younglings. Wanting to restore the Jedi, he created a secret training temple on the remote planet of Rekef. Across the galaxy, he quietly searched for children with a clear connection to the Force. After finding his dozen potential future Jedi’s, we were all gathered from our homes by comrades of Luke’s. We were given minutes to say goodbye to our families, and then we were whisked away to our new, isolated lives of training.

To keep the temple as hidden as possible, Master Skywalker had limited our family visitations to once a year. While it was meant to help us become better Jedi, I often stayed up wishing to feel like I belonged somewhere Whether that be with my family or the Jedis, I didn’t care. This loneliness, however, helped my friendship with James and Daisy to blossom throughout our despondent childhoods. We were there to comfort, distract, and take care of each other during these times. They were the closest feeling I had to belonging.

“Wow, they really got everyone out for this, didn’t they?” Daisy questioned while glancing at the crowd around us. Over the years, the Jedi Temple had grown to have over 70 pupils from across the galaxy, ranging from the age of four to sixteen.

“Yeah, I just wish we all could have enjoyed our free day. The weather is surprisingly nice.” I replied. Typically, Rekef smelled of burning metal while clouds loomed above. Today, though, the two suns beamed from the sky, and the air smelled of fresh flower blossoms.

“I have a theory that Master Skywalker only holds these meetings on our days off to torture us,” James chimed in.

Our conversation was abruptly cut short by the sound of a muffled, projected voice. My feet rotated toward the stage where Master Skywalker stood. His shoulders back, his face stoic. It was always difficult to tell what a meeting would be about until he spoke as he always seemed so detached from emotion. This, though, was the Jedi way. 

“My students,” he began, speaking with confidence and power, “today is an important day for the Jedi and this temple. Today, we will be witnessing the Jedi Temple’s first group moving forward to the next and final phase of their journey in Jedi training.”

My mouth gaped open, a smile creeping across my face. James, Daisy, and I had been looking forward to this day since we had participated in “The Gathering” ceremony; this was when we had received our lightsabers. However, to prevent power issues the Jedis had experienced in the past, Master Skywalker held onto them until we demonstrated that we were able to control our power. Now was that time. 

He continued to speak about how the group had been showing great domin ance over our emotions during training, and he believed it was time to take the next step. He told the group that we would return to our quarters after the meeting to find our lightsabers. Despite our excitement, we were to continue showing our mastery of control by refraining to use them until our training began the next day. 

Once Master Skywalker dismissed us, Daisy grabbed my wrist, twirling me around to face her and James. Her touch sent chills up my spine, a nice break from the sweltering heat. I looked down to meet her gaze. It was hard to stop my mouth from falling as I watched her green eyes examining my face. A grin began to form from her small mouth. 

“I told you that’s what he was going to announce!” She squeezed my wrist, electricity ran through me. I couldn’t avoid eyeing her dainty hand gathered around my much larger features. To my dismay, she noticed this glance and quickly let go of my flesh. A flash of embarrassment crossed her face, the last emotion I wanted her to feel when she was around me. I wanted her to feel safe, like she could be herself, not self conscious. Before I could get a word out, she was already speaking.

“Well hey, I’m gonna go back to my room and check out my saber. Not mess with it, just check it out,” a forced laugh escaped her throat.

“Uh, o-okay,” was the only response my melted brain could conjure up in the moment. 

“Wanna meet up for dinner later?” James intervened, breaking up the already too awkward conversation. 

“Sure, I’ll see you two later.” Daisy turned around and headed towards her cabin. All I could do was watch in awe as she so quickly shook off the embarrassment and walked with the utmost confidence. James had caught on at some point that something was different about this interaction with Daisy. 

“Alright, what’s up?” He asked, moving himself in front of me.

“What do you mean?” I responded, looking down at him to make eye contact.

“Look, I have quite literally spent more time with you than anyone else in this galaxy, you have never been that weird around Daisy and I.”

I exhaled, “I don’t know what it is James.” That was the truth. I had been best friends with Daisy and James since we started training. They were my family; I knew I loved them, but there was a difference in the love I had for James and the feelings I was beginning to have for Daisy. These feelings had been stewing for the last few months. 

It began with a feeling in the pit of my stomach when she made eye contact with me. Then, I started to sweat when I knew she would be around. Now, I was stuttering during our conversations, flinching from pleasure when she grazed any part of me. I caught myself dreaming of feeling her body enveloped by mine, her hair grazing my cheeks, feeling her breath become rhythmic with mine. 

The light seemed brighter when she was around, and the dark felt darker when she wasn’t.

James tried to read my face. We realized what it was at the same time, our eyes widening together. Worried of what his response would be, my eyes darted to the ground. His hand reached out and grabbed my shoulder. My vision shot up to meet his, heart pounding against my chest as if it were trying to escape this moment. His shoulders leaned in and his face broke. He was smiling.

“So are you going to tell her how you feel?” He whispered.


	2. Don't Say Love

11:33 PM  
Command Shuttle  
Age: 29

Relief washed over me as my body finally met the sheets of my bed. The air was still, empty, and hollow. Thoughts tumbled around my mind, new ones entering as quickly as the old left. My body constantly battled my mind for rest. Like every night, the only way I could escape the trenches in my mind was to travel to the same place it always did.

As the details flooded my brain, I looked down to her next to me, her small hand wrapped in mine. In this vision, we stood on a hill overlooking the city, our city. Two moons rested over our heads, their glow lit her pale skin. She wore a white gown that covered her body like a fresh, untouched blanket of snow. Her hair was pinned back into a curly, wild bun. The silver crown on her head acted as the only barrier stopping her mane from being set free. 

When she looked at me, I saw something behind her eyes. She was restless. Like her hair, she was determined to be set free from the shackles placed upon her. This feeling controlled my mind too. In this dream, though, we could escape it. We could be whatever we wanted to be, together. She was my power, my Force, my freedom, my light, my peace. She was it, all of it.

As quickly as the dream came, it went, dissolving into blackness, morphing into sleep.

~~~  
06:47 AM

Jedi Training Temple

Age: 16

After the meeting yesterday, I had returned to my cabin to find my lightsaber on my bed. As much as I had wanted to see it in action, I was more afraid of being caught. A small crack in me, though, desired to use it now. I quickly sealed that crack of temptation and left the tool on my bed. Once evening fell, I had met James and Daisy for dinner. Thankfully, James hadn't mentioned our conversation from earlier, and I had more time to figure out how I was going to manage my feelings for Daisy. 

I tried to relax once I was back to my bed, but all night my body had tossed and turned from a mixture of excitement and nervous energy. I was as close as ever to becoming a Jedi, a path I was destined for. It was an exciting time; a point in my life I had been waiting for as long as I could remember.

But nerves were taking over that excitement. What if I wasn't enough? What if I failed? I had no other path, no other option for my life. These thoughts weren't the main source of anxiety, though. I worried that my feelings for Daisy would somehow prevent me from fulfilling what I had been seemingly meant for.

Beyond those emotions, though, was something different. It was a longing, something that pulled me toward her. This was growing stronger than my desire to become a Jedi, slowly but surely.  
4  
Now it was morning and I was walking along a path carved into one of the training forests. I gave myself enough time to leisurely make my way to the training site this morning so I could hopefully calm my nerves. As I made my slow, steady strides, I peered up to admired the pink and yellow sky. One sun barely settled into the sky as the other narrowly peaked above the surface. Lighting was dim as I navigated through the fallen branches; there had been a storm last night. The storm had also caused the air to be thick and heavy with moisture. I breathed in the humidity, and tried to exhale my anxieties.

"Ben!" Her voice echoed in my ears. I spun around to Daisy jogging up to me. Seeing her reminded me of my turmoil. My mind had went back and forth between wanting to tell Daisy and containing my feelings for her. Jedis were encouraged to love, but not the typical way of loving. We were supposed to embrace the emotion, but not act upon it. It was a feeling that could and should be controlled. Love was the hardest emotion to control, though. The reality was she and I could never have a normal life. If she did feel the same, a relationship would interfere with our duty as Jedi. It must have been clear that I was twisted in thoughts as Daisy rubbed her hand along my upper arm.

My skin tingled, her touch leaving a trail of bliss that ran down my limbs.

"Okay Ben, what is going on with you? Last night, you just seemed... off? I know this training is a big deal, but you know if anything is bothering you, you can always talk to me. If anyone understands the pressure, you know I do... "

I knew she was anxious; she always rambled when she was anxious.

"I could hardly sleep last night, this is just, such a big deal, you know? So I get it if that's what's wrong," Daisy continued, rubbing her forearm, her eyes fixated on the trail in front of her as we continued to walk. My eyes stayed glued to her, watching the contours of her face shift with every word. I noticed a scar above her left eyebrow and one next to her nose. Every part of my brain worked to memorize these details.

"Yoo hoo, Ben," her hand flashed by my eyes, "this is exactly what I was talking about. It's like you're here, but you're not." I looked up to see we were finally at the training site.

"Sorry, just... anxious about this training," I finally sputtered, wondering if I was hiding my lie well enough. I couldn't tell her that, while I was worried about this next phase, I was mostly consumed with need for her. She stopped in her path, pulling my arm to stop with her. Without much resistance from me, Daisy dragged us behind a tree a few feet away. Tilting her chin up, her evergreen eyes scanning me, she exhaled. For a moment, the world was her. I swore I could feel her heart beating with mine. I thought maybe I could just tell her here, right now...

Then all I felt was pain.

I could only imagine that this pain was what it felt like to be struck by lightning. My eyes stung with tears, an ache throbbing behind my sockets. It felt like every ounce of blood in me had become icicles in my veins. All I could do was fall to the ground, my limbs abandoning me. There was nothing left in my brain as all of my thoughts had evaporated into dust. Agony was the only feeling to exist in this moment. After what seemed like eternity, the pain ended.

"Ben! Are you okay?"

My mind had regained control of my body once again as I rose from the soil. Blinking the vision back to my eyes, I saw Daisy still in front of me. We were still standing in the same spot, hidden from the sight of our peers who were beginning to gather for training. She seemed to be okay. Her face revealed an unidentifiable emotion as she shifted back and forth on her heels.

"What the hell just happened?" My voice stuttered. Daisy looked down and began playing with a patch of grass beneath her foot. I tried to figure out what she was feeling, but it was near impossible.

"You wouldn't tell me what was wrong, so I decided to try and find out myself," Daisy whispered so faintly I almost didn't hear her.

Then it clicked what had happened. She had used the Force to read my thoughts. Everything in my brain went dark, the only thought was wondering what she had found out. Then every question I could think of ran rampant through my mind. The air felt thick around us. This was not how I wanted her to find out how I felt about her.

Maybe she didn't discover those thoughts. Maybe she had only seen the thoughts of my pressure to succeed. Maybe she had only learned that I was worried about making my parents happy. Maybe she didn't find the part of me that craved her. The part that had dreams of her every night, the part that felt empty without the thought of her. Maybe I had buried my emotions well enough that she didn't find them.

Daisy reached for my hand, and as she grasped it, she flipped it over to reveal my forearm. Electricity coursed through me as she ran her fingers along my palm. Every cell in my body screamed for me to just grab her and never let go. This. This was what I wanted to feel like for the rest of my life.

"And I found out everything I needed to know," her hand reeled back to her body as she turned and walked toward the training site.  
4  
"Wh-what do you mean?" I stumbled over my words and feet as I jogged to catch up with her. She twisted around to face me, her voice dropped. We were closer to the area we trained in, but still far enough away to have a private conversation.

"Ben, you know we ca- you can't feel that way. I want..." she paused. Her voice sounded soft, her eyes dewy like the grass right after rain, "I shouldn't have done that..."

She was nervous, but there was another emotion, one I couldn't read.

There was only one other time in our lives I hadn't been able to read Daisy. We were nine and in our favorite, private place. It was a wooded area behind our cabins that no one ever went because, honestly, it wasn't that interesting. There were trees that shed constantly making the ground just a blanket of leaves. Everything was brown, a stark contrast from the rest of the temple which was adorned with whites, golds, and green plants and grass. These woods were special to us, though. Daisy and I went there almost every night when we couldn't sleep. There was one spot in particular we always gravitated towards. It had an opening to reveal the stars, and we would just lay and watch them. On this night, we had been talking about what we wanted to do most when we got older. I told her about how I wanted to be just like my mother and father; I wanted to keep the galaxy safe and go on wild adventures with my best friends, with Daisy and James. After I said this, I had looked over to Daisy, she was just staring at me, her eyes mimicking the set of moons in the sky above us as she began to cry. I asked her what was wrong, but she just continued crying. I scooted closer to her and just held her as she wept harder. We fell asleep there that night, her tucked into my arms.  
I never learned why she cried that night.

In the present, I felt my face sinking. Every possibility crossed my mind. She could only see me as a friend, a brother of sorts. Or, she could feel the same. A shiver ran down my spine at the thought of her feeling the way I did. I noticed as Daisy straightened herself while pressing the top of her cheeks. "I just wanted to make sure you were okay, and I know you wanted to tell me differently, I'm sorry." She continued speaking as I stared blankly, "Look, we have to go, but why don't we talk about it later?"


	3. Tell Me

06:27 PM

Jedi Training Ground

Age: 16

My body flopped to meet the grond, the grass beneath providing little relief for my aching muscles. The entire day had been spent practicing our lightsaber skills with my uncle. Aside from myself, Daisy, and James, there were nine others in our training today, the first group Master Luke had recruited for his temple. Although we had all spent the majority of our lives together, the three of us were not particularly close with the others. The rest of the group seemed to view us differently. 

Everyone had come from across the galaxy. Three Padawans, Kie, Juwen, and Piodet had been born on desert planets along the outer rim. Wendal, Itahbi, Samuel, and Q-I were from larger, more populated planets. However, all of their parents were standard working folks. Prior to coming to the academy, those seven had led pretty normal lives as children. Before demonstrating a connection to the force, their plans were to follow in their parents footsteps. Seemingly destined for plain vanilla lives, their fate changed when they were sent to the Jedi Academy. Though they probably would have been happy with mundane routines, now they had a chance to make a name for their families and themselves. 

For Phineas and Leo- two others that had been brought to the temple at the same time as us- being discovered by the Jedi had saved their lives. Before being found by Luke, the brothers had been born slaves for a powerful galactic gang leader. One of Luke’s scouts had discovered them and then bargained for their lives while posing as a ship parts dealer. The transaction worked and at the age of five, the two boys were given a new opportunity at life. Phineas, Leo, and the other seven had never expected to become Jedi, but they seemed to be continuously thankful to Luke for giving them the chance to be something great.

Daisy, James, and I didn’t feel the same. The three of us were expected to become something from the time we were born. It was never a question of what path we would end up on; our families had already chosen that path for us. Our parents knew where we’d go from the moment they knew about Luke Skywalker starting a Jedi training temple. This was our destiny, and we were to fulfill it.

See, our parents all had connections to the New Republic Senate. James’ mother, Amilyn Holdo, was a Senator and his father, Loward Holdo, was a highly ranked engineer. Daisy’s parents were Lord and Lady Nutora of Joliate, a powerful nation that produced food and supplies for most small planets the Senate presided over. As for me, being a Jedi ran in my blood. My mother, uncle, and grandfather had a deep connection to the Force. My father was known as one of the leaders in overthrowing the Empire. The pressure to succeed had been woven into my DNA. 

When we first came to the training facility, we had all been swept up in the newness and excitement of it all that it didn’t matter where we had come from, we were all there together now. As time went on, though, feelings began to change. I started noticing a shift in how most of the group looked at me. Instead of being greeted with a smile as I had been for so long, I was now met with awkward pauses and thin-lipped smirks. They would whisper in the dining hall and sleeping quarters about me, avoiding eye contact when I passed. It was noticeable that they were treating Daisy and James the same way. One thing was clear: the rest of the Padawans thought we only were here because of our bloodline, and as time progressed, the distance between all of us grew. Their group got closer and so did ours.

Hot. Hot. Hot.

Something was burning next to me, singeing the baby hairs along my arm. As I instinctively ripped my arm from the source of heat, my vision met a glowing green light. Hovering above me was Daisy, lightsaber still eject from it’s hilt. After repositioning my limbs so they were no longer in danger, I released my thoughts to zero in on how the color of her saber matched that of her eyes. I wandered the rest of her body visually. She is strong, intimidating at times, and despite her small frame, she could easily take me down in one shot. During today’s training, I had truly seen how powerful she was. It was clear, even to those who thought she didn’t deserve to be here, that Daisy was the most skilled and connected to the Force of all of us. In any one-on-one practice battles, she never lost. 

She drew back her lightsaber, returning the blade to the base of her weapon. Tucking it away in her belt, her hand reached to help me get up. I grasped it, a surge of energy embedding itself in my veins as my flesh met hers. Once I was standing, I looked down to meet Daisy’s gaze. She cocked her hip to the right, leaning her palms against the curvature. 

“That was a pretty cool first day of training, wasn’t it?” She released a deep exhale, “I was impressed by some of your moves.” 

“Thanks,” I laughed nervously. For the entirety of the training, I had been replaying our earlier conversation. I tried theorizing every possible outcome for the two of us. From Daisy professing her love for me to her never wanting to speak to me again, I had covered all the bases of what could happen. As I revisited those possibilities, an awkward pause grew between our words.

“So… do you want to go for a walk right now, before dinner? We can go to our place,” Daisy gestured towards the woods next to the cabins, the spot only she and I went to. My heart sank to my stomach, punching every inch of skin along the way down. I thought I had a little more time to prepare for this. I mustered up a nod, and followed Daisy as she began to walk towards our destination. As I walked behind her in silence, I tried to soak in what I could of our friendship as it was now. I knew after this, things would never be normal again for us, at least not for me. There was no doubt we would still be friends, but I didn’t know if I could ever forget how she made me feel. I don’t think she could ever touch me without melting my existence. I would never be able to look at her without wanting to caress every inch of her being. In such a short amount of time, my feelings had become too strong, too deep to ever forget.   
I didn’t want to forget.

Before I knew it, we were there, scaling through the rough brush that enveloped the ground. The trees towered over us, their leaves painted with reds, purples, and browns. Below our feet, an empty patch of soft, brittle soil that starkly contrasted the web of wood covering the ground surrounding it. Daisy inched closer to me, her hand creeping towards mine. The tip of her pinky barely brushed my flesh, and my heart became a roller coaster. Then she shifted her weight, our skin breaking apart. 

“Do you remember that night we came out here and talked about what we wanted to do once we were done with training?” Daisy asked, breaking the silence. I tried to stop the smile from invading my face.

“Of course.”

“I remember you sounded so excited. You had this plan to end up like your parents, protecting the galaxy and traveling from planet to planet on adventures,” she smiled at me, a sad sort of smile. “Then I got upset, and you comforted me.”

“I remember it,” I stepped closer to her.

“I never wanted that night to end. I wanted to stay there forever, with you, just safely wrapped up in your arms.” I could tell Daisy was here physically, but her mind was back at that night. 

“Neither did I,” I whispered. Her body shifted to face me again.

“Ben, I can’t begin to say how sorry I am that I did that earlier. I just… I just care and worry about you, and I wanted to make sure you were okay. I crossed a line and I’m so sorry.” Her hands flapped to her sides in defeat. I took a breath in, gathering my confidence to tell her how I feel.

“Daisy, it’s okay. It really is,” I tried my best to comfort her. “That’s not quite how I wanted to tell you, but you were going to find out eventually. I was getting worse at hiding it.” Daisy dropped her head, kicking a small patch of dirt with her foot. 

“When did you figure out you felt this way?” She asked, her voice quiet. 

“Honestly it’s been building up. It almost...” I swallowed hard, stuttering over my words, “It’s almost like the feelings had always been there. Like I’d always… felt that way.”

“What way?” Daisy thumbed the crease of her left elbow. I could see a pool of water beginning to root behind her eyes. 

“Daisy,” my hands reached for her, cradling them tenderly. I began to trace the small lines carved into her palms, wondering if she could feel me shaking. My fingers felt along her knuckles, then moved to the back of her hand. All I wanted to do was follow the trail of her skin to find every freckle, mole, scar, and curve that crafted her body. The idea of her body intertwined with mine sent a tingle through my bones. I tried to calm myself as I stroked the tips of her fingers.   
Suddenly a different emotion ran through me. I was scared, worried about the consequences of my feelings. It was impossible for me to give Daisy the love she deserved. Our lives were dedicated to the Jedi. It was my job to serve the galaxy this way. I had to be a hero, like my mother and father. I had to deal with the repercussions of this dedication. But all I wanted was Daisy. I wanted to spend my life with her. I wanted to be everything to her. I didn’t want to know life without her by my side. All I could feel now was confliction.

“I have so many feelings for you,” I paused, “So many different feelings are going through me right now and I’m just not sure what to do with them if I’m being honest,” our eyes met once more. I couldn’t read her emotion.

“We can’t do this, Ben.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! :) Stay tuned for new chapters every week.


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